Anyone else want a border?
With love and logic I resign the position of designated flunky.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
It's not working out
To make this a win-win situation, Love and Logic suggest asking what is it we get out of your moving back in. The response you hope for is, oh I'll do the chores your doing, or I'll paint the garage or something. If that doesn't work then you have to become the landlord you are. If they don't contribute in a positive way but instead undermine the fleeting little respect other's have for us then it has become a loose-loose situation. We are not really helping anyone out by continuing to put up with it. Not that her moving in hasn't increased the contact and interaction (good and bad). But if I'm measuring whether I've gained anything, I have to say it's definitely been a negative gain on most fronts.
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2 comments:
"But if I'm measuring whether I've gained anything, I have to say it's definitely been a negative gain on most fronts."
For parents, often the more important question than "Have I gained anything?" is "Have my children gained anything?" If S's being there is detrimental to K, then you're right: something needs to change.
I was very impressed with now ... non-negative the interactions seemed to be when we were around for the holidays. I wondered if that was partially bc everyone else was also around or what. Doesn't surprise me if there's still a lot of disrespect going around that we didn't/don't see.
This is a really tough situation. If the child is a grown-up, capable of taking care of themselves, and living with the parents is causing the parents a lot of downside, it seems to make sense to ask them to leave. In a situation like this one, if she leaves there's always the worry that she'll end up someplace much worse. I think one of S's saving graces is that she always has you two as a safety net... although that then places you both in the "martyr" position and sometimes there's only so much you can take. And, as Laura points out, there's how it affects Katie, as well.
Long story short: I don't envy you. Best of luck figuring it out.
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